Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's blow job season.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
