i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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