Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
