Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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