i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
