I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
