So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
