I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she looked like the before picture.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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