worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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