well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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