I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize