Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
