3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
