So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
