we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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