Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize