Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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