dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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