Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
foreskin is a definite game changer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize