I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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