I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
