I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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