On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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