yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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