that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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