oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
