you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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