He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
