i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
