Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
