I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
