My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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