Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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