planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
