I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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