So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
