then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
