There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
