just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
