that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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