I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
