He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize