Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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