Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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