so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she looked like the before picture.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
