Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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