thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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