Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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