she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
