When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
