The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
