We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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