So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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