His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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