My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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