We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
