yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
