just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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