FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
