I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
