I feel like I'm in dance class right now
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
