in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
