ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
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Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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