You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
false alarm, still single
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
