So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just shotgunned beers for America
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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