I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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