i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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