I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i came on her dog
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
