You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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