you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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