Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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