As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
