And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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