He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
