College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were trust falling into bushes
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