hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont even know how to be here
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
